I Took a Day For Reflection...

Before 9/11/01

One of the Beautiful Reflection Ponds, built to remember all those lost on 9/11/01. Here we are 10 years later...

Reflection...to some reflection is the image seen in a mirror, to others it is a moment taken to look back on a brief time in their life and the impact. I have many thoughts on the topic of reflection. I find it to be a meditational time where I can sit back think and process the events that have brought me to the place I am today. Yes, I am human and my reflection is also, at times, what I see in the shiny reflective material around us...mirror, pool of water, side of a car, a window, self portrait camera mode on my phone...and so on. 

Yesterday I was apart of a great moment in time that helped me to reflect on me. As a person...as a member of a community, as a fellow Christian... I also had time to reflect on how I have changed. This process also helped me to take a moment to remember those I care about that were effected to the utmost by the attacks on 9/11/01. There were things seen by those who worked and lived close to the Trade Centers that I, to this day, cannot imagine seeing. The images seen by those were followed by night terrors, and PTSD. All I can do is pray for their healing and reflect on the things since then that have been blessings and beautiful moments in time. 

There was so much more that had happened that day and I can say from the eyes of this American, We Are BLESSED! I, like so many others, have A LOT to be thankful for. We need to reflect on how we bonded as Americans in a time of crisis, and we need to reflect on how we have a let small part of our patriotism fall to the way side because we became comfortable in the thoughts that Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden have been found and have paid for their crimes. This shouldn't stop us from being there for our neighbor, now when I say neighbor I don't mean Mexico and Canada, I mean the folks that live in your own back yard. The person who just lost a job and really could use a friend to talk to or maybe even just vent out their frustrations to.  We have....Oh wait let me get on my soap box...OK here we are that's better, now where was I? Oh yes, We have to take a look at our own country. I am not saying that we should not aid in the assistance of other countries effected by Natural Disaster...but when Natural Disasters have hit our country where were we, how easy did we make it for our country to get back on its "feet". Did we really help each other up, dust them off and get them on their way.... No we made political red tape and loop holes so we didn't have to loose money on our investment. I know this seems to be going bigger and broader than just a simple reflection but what I am trying to say is that We are Proud Americans and when we don't take care of our own country with the same passion, if not more, then we do for other countries. Who do we hurt? It hurts you, me, those we know and care for, and those we don't know. We need to be strong not only for the welfare of others but we need to be our strongest for OURSELVES!

The reflection I had yesterday was that I am so PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN, I am PROUD TO BE AN ARMY WIFE, I am SO PROUD OF MY HUSBAND and ALL OF OUR SOLDIERS IN ALL BRANCHES OF SERVICE out there defending MY FREEDOMS and YOURS. 

*my soap box has been put away...I thank God I have one, just like you do, to stand on!

Hey!!! I've Been Robbed!

Gosh where to begin. Since the last time I posted things were ok...and now I am not so sure! I know life has its own way of making sure you are on you toes and blind sided but this.... There was no preparation for, I am feeling as if a tornado has ripped though my life while I was fast asleep. I go to bed ok somewhat stressed to wake and find that all the things I thought would be ok aren't. I am so upset with myself that didn't notice and things got this bad this fast and how in the world could I let it get so far.

I have tried to get things back on track, I feel like I have tried everything but this time I am going to have to ride out the bad luck and wait for it to get better. I will not let this get me down... I am going to hold strong, no matter how hard it may or may not get I know that I have great strength. God has always found a way to provide in times of struggle and I am not going to loose faith this time. What I feel has been taken from me I will get back what I am scared to do I will make happen and when it is all said and done I will Praise God for giving me strength in him!

Not much else to say other than I hope these will inspire you to hold your Faith and Strength through difficult and trying times...

Strengthen the weak hands and make firm the feeble and tottering knees. Isaiah 35: 3

The Lord is good, a Strength and Stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows (recognizes, has knowledge of, and understands) those who take refuge and trust in Him. Nahum 1: 7

If Memory Serves Me Right

Monday afternoon I received a phone call I will never forget. My brother called to ask me if I had talked to my Dad and I told him no and asked what was up. He then blurted out, Grandpa Died!. There was no emotion in his voice as I'm sure he too was in shock to hear the news...he was in a hurry to find my Dad so we hung up. I spent most of the day in a zombie like state of remembering things we did as children and thinking of all the times we spent with all of my family. I missed him instantly there was no getting me out of this funk I was in.

Later that night I went to a dear friends house to do a Pampered Chef Show. My mind was able to think of something other than the passing of my Grandfather. I was kept busy and the thoughts of him were minimal until we were talking about the grill pan and press and my friend mentioned how a steak would have come out nice in that pan. I looked at her and told her that I thought the same thing and for a minute today I was going to get a steak and make it Grandpa Style.

I think making steak and feeding my family, extended and otherwise, is one of the fondest memories I have of my Grandparents and growing up. We spent many weekends and summer nights at 30 Stonehenge, Rochester NY... Irondiquoit to some, but that's only if you want to get technical : ) ... It always started out the same... it was my Dad and our family, Uncle Dom and his family, Aunt Andrea and Rory and Uncle Anthony and his family. It never seemed to matter what the occasion, nor did it matter that there was rarely an occasion our extended family wasn't thought of and for them to be there for cookouts or for them to just stop by didn't disrupt the natural course of human existence. Ok so here is the family that would come by.... There was Aunt Mary "Finary", Uncle Gumpy, Uncle Joe and Aunt Rosemary, Babe and Tiny, Uncle Sam and Aunt Verna, Babe and Tiny's daughter, Cousin Yogi, Sammy and Joann, Marion...Aunt Phyllis and Uncle Pete, Aunt Mame (pronounced May-Me) Uncle Paul, and Aunt Angie. I could never forget the people/family that helped to mold me into what and who I am today, I appreciate and value my family and I hold them with such high regard.

I was so little at the time so for me to remember that far back and who was always around brings a sense of pride and a bit of surprise. It was funny no matter how much food was made God provided and stretched it out and when the door bell rang and our extended family flooded through the doors there was still plenty of food. OK...so back to Grandpas steaks... When he made his almost famous steaks (they will be made famous someday, because this memory lives inside of me and I WILL pass this on to every person I meet and know...)  there was never a change in the flavor nor in the smell and it was duplicated so perfectly every time they were cooked. First you started off with Delmonico or T-Bone...poke it with a fork, squeeze fresh lemon over the top, sprinkle with garlic powder, salt, pepper and Italian seasoning...Flip and repeat on the other side. Make sure your grill is nice and HOT! Ahhhhh, I can hear the sizzle and smell that smell that comes off of any bbq grill in the summer.... STEAK!! Before owning a gas grill he used his Charcoal Outdoor Oven...alright so as my Dad corrected me it wasn't an oven but to me at that age it really looked like an old Italian Outdoor Brick Oven... Ok my brothers and cousins would know what I was talking about... : )....I want one when I build myself a house!!

We would gather in the dining room and Dad would say grace for everyone before eating...it was old school kids ate in the kitchen and the grown-ups sat around the LARGE dining room table (ok so it was Large to me because I was so small)...Oh and there were only rare occasions in which we would we be allowed to eat in the dining room with the adults but otherwise the kitchen was where it was at. My cousins, my brothers and I filled the table and we would laugh talk and polish of every moist tender delicious bite of our steak and potatoes. We never wasted food like many children of today, our Mom's gave us just what they knew we would eat and nothing more....if we ate seconds and thirds it was ok because there was always plenty...

Once they were grilled to perfection, (when I say grilled to perfection I really mean it these steaks were so FanTastiC that even the small edging of fat was pure perfection)...Grandpa would bring in the steaks and Grandma ALWAYS had baked and perfectly seasoned potatoes, if it was too hot out we would half the potatoes, season with salt n' pepper and grill face down on the grill with partially husked corn on the cob. Oh and we can't forget the large fresh, home grown, salad, (with tomatoes, peppers, and homemade dressing) there was NO bottled stuff made in Grandma and Grandpa's household...even when they got old and we went to the house for lunch there was NEVER a bottle of pre-made/store bought dressing...

Food was and always will be a spiritual experience for me... God would not have blessed me with a family who made such wonderful things and who taught me how to make these wonderful things if he didn't want me to bless those I know with it... I am a Foodie from head to toe and all of it began with a simple steak on a simple grill surrounded with my family...its just a little piece of heaven for me to have these memories. There is nothing I wont try and there is very little I don't eat.

Nothing could take that memory away from me and nothing will ever change the way the best steak, in all the world, tastes. And Grandpa if you and Grandma can see me now and read what I am writing....when you have your cookout tonight with all of our family who left this place remember us...Thankful to have been in Our Family, Blessed to have been Loved by You and Sad that those family get together's will have to wait until we are all up in Heaven with You!

RIP: Anthony "Tony" Morano Sr. 1926-2011

The Tango...It takes Two

**CAUTION** Before entering be aware there's lots of Metaphorical Talk and Mumbo Jumbo....Caution upon entering!!! 

Seeing Dancing with the Stars every season since it began, I can tell you that there has never been a time where the Tango was danced alone, solo, mono y mono....You get it. right??

Today between the stresses of DS's being broken (into 2 pieces...don't ask) and trying not to send my husband to the loony bin, my Hubs and I decided to go to dinner. Though I wanted to go, even to just to get out of the house for a little while, I would have been happy and content to stay home curl up with a movie or book and veg. I didn't want my husband to feel as though I didn't want to get away from the kids with him. So we took showers, I primped and he waited patiently for me to be ready...and we left. Conversation tonight was... for us was a bit awkward. I wasn't too much in the mood for talking and now after not talking to me all day my Hubs had lots of things to say. I didn't have any problem talking to him on a regular basis but tonight seemed to be difficult.

Thus began the one sided Tango....We fumbled around the dance floor of conversation like two dummy's (mannequin type dummy's not stupid people, though either would have worked for this situation) put out in the middle of a wind storm. Yeah, it wasn't pretty... finally as the winds of stress and strain settled...and we were slammed together so hard we bumped heads....there were some tears not all bad ones they were like the kind when your trying to make a point and all your emotion comes rushing forward and you cant control the water works...if you could cap that sucker you could supply a small city in the desert with a lifetime supply of h2o.... and though we tried to find some real common ground it was hard to see eye to eye. 

My mono y mono Tango had just turned into Steve Wozniak breaking out with "the worm". We talked and though a lot of our conversation was great and productive I still felt a bit empty after leaving the restaurant, it wasn't for the lack of food as it was the lack of conclusion, no that's not the word I'm thinking of.... hum-mm resolution...that's it!! There was no Resolution....So where do you go from here and what do you do to make sure you are satisfied with the out come of what ever the conflict... Nail your feet to the floor so you don't act a fool trying to tango... LOL no you just think about what it is that you wanted to say and didn't, start a blog, and let it all come out....LOL No... I'm just kidding. For real you just need to put band-aids on the blisters give them a chance to heal but with out letting them become a callus, take a break and come back to it in a couple of hours.

Problems will always come and go and I know the tango of marriage does have its ups n' downs and its ins n' outs but there always seems to be a rhythm, fluidity, flow....sometimes when we get caught up in the craziness of life we forget to take the time to look our partner in the eye, let him grab you close, and 

Tango...

What Does the Future Hold...or is it Only the Palm Reader That Gets the Hint?

I am embarking on a new journey...One that is going to take me on the tricky terrain of emotional hills and valleys. Oh and don't forget to throw in a couple of hairpin turns and some icy roads....My second eldest, my first birthed Son is going to be going off to College next fall! I guess when I was made to be protector and caregiver to a 7lb 15oz bundle of boy, I wished that I could protect them for all eternity... I have always been there for the good, the bad, and the "OH No you didn't, just go there!!". I watched him take his first steps, waited patiently for his first words, listened intently to his dreams and day by day watched as my little boy grew into a handsome young man. He's a dreamer my little boy, he doesn't know how to dream a small dream, he dreams BIG!! What a great young man he has become!

 I never imagined this day would get here so fast. When did my little boy go from being a toddler running around in Footed PJ's and a plastic Fireman's hat...When did he get so good at all that he does, and where was I when I stopped having to look over his shoulder every moment to make sure he was doing things right. I am sad the time has gone so fast and my emotions are all mixed up with a knowing sense that he will be OK and I have done the best job with him I can and now its his turn to start his own journey to Manhood.

This begins the days where his dreams are just around the corner... calling him, beckoning him to where he longs to be. I look at him and see Drive, Passion, Dedication, and SUCCESS! I also see a Kind, Loving, True to his Word, Loyal and God fearing Man... I cant hold his hand and help him jump from rock to rock so he can cross the stream... all I can do now is stand on the shore of the river and tell him to "Go Get Em'!" and "Don't forget who you are!" I don't get the luxury of an easy transition, if that were only the case...there won't be any coming home on weekends to do laundry or Hey, I get a week off let me just come home for a visit. While Nick is preparing for College the rest of us will be prepping for a move to our next Duty Station...

I am choked up typing just even the mere thought of my little boy going to college (can you just see how I will be 10 months from now) but I know it is all a part of the circle of life...no one could have said it better than his favorite movie The Lion King...its no wonder he loves it so much.

To Be Continued....

Pointing a Finger Can...Poke an Eye Out!!

It has come to my recent attention that there are a lot of people who like to point the finger....While pointing the finger can mean many things, for one, I am pointing my finger to tell you directions because you are lost...or I am pointing my finger to your face because you have a little schmutz on it...maybe even I am pointing to my teeth to let you know you have some of this afternoons salad stuck between two teeth... What ever the case may be there are several ways you can positively point the finger...

In the case I am talking about, it is NOT directional, positive, constructive or for grooming purposes. It is because the person wants to point out how inappropriate it was that LiFe had taken a hold of you, and you genuinely forgot to follow through with something... I am not perfect nor do I claim to be the expert on all things right but I do try to live my life to the very simple rule of... "When you point a finger at someone you have 3 pointing back at you!" OK so now take a minute and try it out...Point to something with the pointer finger pointing out where do the middle, ring and pinky point? Now your catching my drift....

My hubby and I are very aware of our obligations and we make good & follow through on what we have committed to doing. We try to be good parents teaching our children to take responsibility for their actions...that there are consequences for such said things and always remember that when you are pointing a finger at someone you are pointing 3 more back at you so your not with out faults. So being a parent that does that to the best of their ability I can now say this...with 3 fingers pointing back at me... "get off my case about what I have to do for you. You have others who are NOT claiming responsibility for so much more and they don't even acknowledge their responsibility! Until they are held to the same standard you have set for me then WE can talk about my faults! You have overlooked their LACK of RESPECT for you and it is OK because "poor mijo"...cut the coddling and stick it to him like you ALWAYS do to me!"

Whoa!!....I feel better!

So maybe your saying to yourself, why am I talking here instead of saying those words to the culprit thats causing me angst, or why be so vague why not just tell us all what is going on... Well its as simple as these few things...The one I love is far more important than "Sticking It" to someone. I was raised to have respect for others and even if they hurt me remember they have their faults, only I am responsible for my actions, causing pain for someone I Love is not worth the pain I would cause... It's more important to me to take the high road, than it is having the last word or starting an argument. Lashing out on them right now would only fall on deaf ears. Besides isn't far better to be there for someone else who may be out there faced with a similar situation. They need to know ..."Their NOT the only ONE!"

Bazaar, The Trips We Take Down Memory Lane....

My last and final trip of the summer consisted of going to Memphis, TN and Canandaigua, NY... It was a combination trip to see my nephew Brandon because he had graduated from HS and the stop in Memphis was to help Celebrate the nuptials and pregnancy of my son Nick's Dad, Patrick and future but now new Wife, Patricia...say that fast 5 times... OK so any ways back on target.

About 3 days before we left Missouri I was on FB (Facebook) to see what the happenings were and found out that one of my best friends, from high school, Dad had passed away. I was heart broken...all of the memories raced through my brain of, the times I had seen him, when the last time I talked to him was and all of my minds history book where he frequently appeared... I was truly sad! With all the busyness of planning my trip and all the things to be done I made sure that I took the time to send a little something with a card to tell Theresa and Tiffany, along with the rest of the family, I was thinking about them. So back to the way the mind brings you to a place and time where we once felt...a place where our current lives seemed so far out of reach and we felt that the future was NEVER going to get here.

I arrived in NY at another of my best friends house...we had made plans for those of us from the Class of 1992 were all going to get together and have an UN-Official Class Reunion. Blasted out on FB we laughed at how old we were and how we would never be able to stay out til 2am and all this and that... long and short of it all was we were going to go on Friday Night. It was set so I thought until that morning I posted that we wanted to get a head count of who was going to show or not...yeah well no one replied... So Paul and I decided to make plans of a different sort. We continued our trip down, my, memory lane with a visit to my bestest (yeah I know its not a real word but I still like to use it), longest, and oldest friends Dad. Side Bar: Shaunessy (my Bestest) called me early this year with the news that her Dad has cancer... It sucked, we cried and talked about the best and worst case scenarios. I couldn't believe that it was possible that my second father was sick.... All things set aside our visit was fabulous...

My visit with Theresa and Tiffanie was pretty much just as stellar as the one with Tom... we talked laughed and had a wonderful time. Later that week I was out to my Dad's and after talking to Tiffanie and thinking about all the fun times we had I for the first time remembered that HS wasn't all bad, so I went up to the attic and found 3 of my 6 yearbooks and brought them home... now most of my memories are in front of my face, there to remind me that my life is good, filled with joy and I am over all blessed to be loved and thought of fondly by others...

Just when you are thinking that things are not going so well take a break pour yourself a glass of wine and stroll down memory lane...It takes little energy and the smile that crosses your face will surprise you and lift you to a place where ALL things are Possible and Your dreams are still with in reach...

I hope you enjoyed.... Now go take a walk! : )